This is not a DM!
Don't take public activity personal
Every now and then I am baffled to learn that someone somewhere felt hurt by some thought or link I shared.
While I can't control how others feel, I can try to clarify the obvious.
There are two main reasons I share my thoughts or links publicly:
To inspire others
To grow through the feedback
The second reason is equally important for me personally. But every message demands an appropriate channel to maximize the return. My motto is this:
Criticize privately 👥️, praise publicly 📢
If you read something public that feels like a ctiticism to you, stop and reflect:
Not everything is about you. Where was the message posted? If the audience was larger than 1, there’s a good chance it wasn’t intended as a personal attack! Why would someone use a public platform to sent a message that should have been private? In an effort to raise confident kids, many parents refrain from exposing their children to a colorful picture of reality. Guess what? Those snowflakes grow to believe that they are the center of the world and interpret everything as a celestial signal targeting them. Let that kids grow.
There are better ways than going through the chain of commands! As I’ve written previously picking the right manager is my most important career decision. If you play the hierarchy card, I’ll hear about it, but the feedback will be so anonymized and unspecific that I’ll not be able to take it seriously. Instead of abusing side channels to enforce the cancel culture, why not take your thoughts directly to me and deliver that feedback constructively? That way we can have a dialogue about intentions and feelings.
You cannot make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Life is about evolution. There's always a risk when saying something or doing something. The more significant the consequences, the higher that risk. Personally I believes it worth it when it can drive evolution. But naturally change triggers resistance. Evolution doesn’t happen in vaccum. You are part of the environment that hammers ideas to move forward. Share your counterarguments and let's evolve together.
Internalize the fact that one cannot please everybody. People are different and that diversity is the strength of the society. Even one person's feelings fluctuate depending on what they're going through. Everyone is fighting a war you know nothing about. Be nice, but lying nice. Just civil and polite! It is totally OK to have a disagreement. What is not OK is to skip a logical argument and go directly to back stab. “You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
Use that as inspiration to improve. Believe it or not, I too feel insecure reading random thoughts from time to time! Sometimes, I just think about a counter argument in my head and move on. Sometimes I share my thoughts and try to learn more. Some other times, I see the opposite point and get inspired to improve. It depends. Pick your fights!
Feel free to ignore. Don't let your insecurity take the best of you. 💔 Scroll on, unfollow and ignore if you don't find value in exploring diverse views and opposite ideas. I am not going to sacrifice my integrity just because someone choses to misinterpret my message. I exercise my freedom of speech to the extent it doesn’t conflict with the law. However, I’m not the only person in the world.
Try to get me fired. Obviously this is not the first time someone goes behind my back, so I’ve built a safety net that minimizes the pain of getting fired. Cancelling and removing people is definitely an option that has been exerised and I’m not dumb enough to think it’ll not happen to me. So if you think I’m objectively hurting the environment and have malicious intentions, please go ahead and do your best. If the people in power to cut my pay buy into that without giving me a chance to defend my action, I’m 100% fine with that and in fact want it. You’re doing me a service; thanks in advance 🙌
On self censorship
There are many type of censorship: state censorship, corporate censorship, religious censorship, etc. The worst type of censorship is self censorship.
If someone thinks others should bend the reality avoiding a sensible argument, they will be disapointed. If calling bullshit is not nice, creating bullshit is the root of the crime.
Life is too short to feel hurt about someone else's opinion. They're probably too busy living their own lives anyway. Live yours. 🎁
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